Wine Kulers - Columns

10 Simple Rules For Total Open That Bottle Night Success

1. PICK A WINNER. Many folks think that OTBN means you must open the oldest or most expensive wine you own. It can, but it doesn’t demand that you do. The possession of a wine so often comes with a special story. Last year, I brought only wine from North Carolina from fairly recent vintages. I did this because I wanted to show the potential of East Coast wines to friends who are starting a winery in Georgia.

2. ZEN AND THE ART OF WINE MAINTENANCE. Since this is a wine-centric affair, you should take care of a couple things you might not normally think about, especially if you are not a wine geek. Most of us (me included) serve our red wines too hot and our white wines too cold. Red wines should NOT be served at room temperature, but should around 55 degrees. That’s cellar temperature, which helps express the wine’s fruit and bright acidity without accenting the hot alcohol. Putting your reds in the fridge about two hours before serving should do the trick. Whites have a wider range of temperatures, but somewhere around 45 degrees is what you should shoot for, lower for light-bodied and sparkling wines, closer to 55 degrees for big, bad, voodoo chardonnays.

3. ZEN AND THE ART OF WINE MAINTENANCE, PART 2. Older red wines will often throw sediment. Try to stand the bottle up about a day in advance and let all the sludge creep to the bottom of the bottle. Some wine folks differ on this point, but I say if you have a decanter pour the old wine in it (stopping when the sludgy muck starts pouring out) and then pour it immediately into everyone’s glasses. If you pour it right out of the bottle into glasses, all the sludge will get stirred up and be deposited into those glasses. This isn’t the worst thing in the world, by the way, and may even be the best course of action with particularly old, fragile wines.

4. BACK UP BOTTLES RECOMMENDED. If you’re bringing out some oldies (and hopefully some goodies) to Open That Bottle Night, you might be a little disappointed that the vinegar gremlin has spoiled your wine. Chalk it up to life with wine. If this is the case, I suggest bringing a safe wine to pour in its place.

5. BUT I DON’T DRINK COFFEE. Even if you don’t consume coffee, have some filters on hand. Another problem with older wines is older corks—or should I say older, crumbly, shrunken corks that inevitably fall into the bottle. Don’t sweat this seemingly large problem. Dig that little bugger out anyway you can or push it into the wine. Just pour the wine through a coffee filter or a fine-mesh strainer to get all the corky bits out. Removing old corks is an art of sorts; you may want to hand opening duties to the biggest, loudest wine geek at the party. See if his/her walk is a big as his/her talk.

6. HAVE FUN. If the goal of your soirée is to only explore the depths and complexities of wine’s 8,000-year history, you’re headed down the path of total OTBN failure. Yes, OTBN is a celebration of wine, but you can have your own me-my-wine-and-I party by yourself. Try to remember the human side of this amazing beverage. Hosts should encourage everyone to share stories about why they brought that particular wine. If your story goes something like: “I brought this wine because it is really, really, really expensive and to show you I’m really, really, really rich.” Choose another wine…and get a life while you’re at it.

7. NO MR. BUNGLES, PLEASE. Who is Mr. Bungles? He’s the guy who carelessly spills red wine on the white carpet. Mr. Bungles (or Mrs. Bungles, for that matter) doesn’t know when to say “enough” when alcohol is involved. Mr. or Mrs. Bungles pouts in the corner because the host may not be using the “correct” crystal stemware. Mr. and Mrs. Bungles always drain the life’s blood out of what would otherwise be a fun time. The Bungles pour super large glasses of the rarest wine for themselves. The Bungles should never be invited; all guests should endeavor to disavow any family resemblances.

8. HAVE EXTRA BOTTLES ON HAND. Potential guests will use their lack of wine knowledge as an excuse for not coming. Parties, OTBN or otherwise, should not be a stressful affair for attendees. You should have a few extra bottles on hand to eliminate excuses and reduce stress.

9. IT’S OK TO SPIT. Guests should not be compelled to drink every last drop in their glasses, lest they discover their inner Mr. Bungles. Of course, many people will enjoy getting a little buzzed, but no one should descend into Coyote Ugly. If you can’t get people to sip, swish and spit (or it is a sit-down dinner type of affair), place buckets in various locations and strongly encourage people to dump wines that they don’t like. This is important if there will be a preponderance of bottles.

10. NIBBLING, HYDRATING AND SWIRLING. If you’re serving alcohol, you gotta have food on hand. Food moderates the body’s uptake of alcohol. Should the host put out a spread fit for a king? If it causes angst, I’d say don’t do it. An assortment of cheeses, crackers, salamis, dips and simple finger sandwiches will do. Maybe suggest everyone bring a bottle and a dish that goes with it. Have plenty of water on hand, too, and repeatedly encourage everyone to drink it. Too much wine and no water is a sure-fire recipe for a hangover. And you may want to consider renting or borrowing real wine glasses if you don’t have enough. They don’t have to be expensive or fancy, but they should have room enough for swirling and capturing a wine’s aromas.